My experience with coaching clients on change is that saying you want change while surrounding yourself with all the baggage of your past is not just contradictory, but wilful. A Feng Shui expert once told me that if you are hoarding things from your past that no longer fit with your life then there is no room for the new to come in. For instance, if you want a new relationship but still have all the photos and mementos of your last one on the walls and in the drawers then you are blocking the energy and ‘crowding out’ anything new.

If you are serious about wanting to make room in your life then start here:

1 Get ready by putting time aside in your diary to start the decluttering process. Mark it in big letters, with a gold star or a red pen, but make time for it. Remember: small steps get you further so block out just 30 minutes to start with, but stick to it, and don’t try and clear a whole room in one go. Choose a corner, or a particular drawer or shelf to start with.

2 Organise it to be fun and bring in 3 or so ‘decision’ bin liners or boxes. Wherever you have chosen to start, first get your favourite music in there –no reason why you can’t clutter clear and boogie at the same time!

3 Take your time and allow yourself to just absorb what you are going to do by looking at the area and choosing to think ‘great, this is going to give me some wonderful space’ and if you think that, then it will. .

4 The classic question is keep it or kick it out, and have a bag for each of those categories – the third bag is for the ‘not sure yet’ items and you need to go through that one in a week’s time. Again, don’t think ‘look what I am giving up’ but instead celebrate how much someone else when browsing in the charity shop is going to benefit from your letting that item go.

5 Keep going until your 30 minutes is up, and longer if you feel ok about it.

The trick is little and often and you will soon have created both physical and mental space to kick start you into the change that’s needed for autumn. If you are having problems letting go, then contact me for a one-off catalyst coaching session to help move you forward.

Overcoming resistance is about acknowledging it, facing it and choosing to deal with it. The choice is the key element, and if you don’t believe me then perhaps these wise words from ‘The War of Art’ by Steven Pressfield will make it clearer – and no I have not got the title wrong!

“Resistance arises from within. It is self generated and self perpetuated — resistance is the enemy within. It will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. It will perjure, fabricate, falsify, seduce, bully, and cajole. It will assume any form, if that’s what it takes to deceive you. It will reason with you like a lawyer, or bludgeon you like an attacker. Resistance has no conscience. It will pledge anything to get a deal, it will double cross as soon as your back is turned. If you take resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always bluffing and lying to you – laughing at you behind your back, and in your face.”

Powerful stuff, and if you want to embrace change then make friends with your resistance; and don’t trust it an inch.

If you feel that you have tried everything else then this simple tip might just help. This is actually something I have been doing in various different circumstances for most of my life but I hadn’t thought of it in relation to helping with hot flashes until I saw some recent research published in the International Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis.
The research was carried out at Baylor University in Texas and builds on an earlier Baylor study which found that using hypnotic relaxation therapy reduced hot flashes by 68 percent. Now that is impressive enough, but you can make it even better by giving yourself a mental image of something really cool such as a snowy landscape or an ice cold mountain stream. The women in the study were a group of breast cancer survivors who found themselves subject to persistent but when they imagined a cool low-temperature scenario it reduced the intensity of their hot flashes.
The leader of the study, Gary Elkins, Ph.D. a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor, concluded that “The finding may indicate that areas of the brain activated by imagery may be identical to those activated by actual perceived events.”
In other words, you can trick your mind when you are hot into believing that you are actually somewhere very cold and it will respond accordingly and you will feel cooler. As I said, I have certainly used it previously but the other way around, in that if I have been out somewhere and the temperature has dropped dramatically, or I haven’t put on enough warm clothing, I imagine myself in front of a roaring fire or sitting on a tropical beach and I do indeed feel warmer.
I do like remedies that are simple, inexpensive, and certainly free from side effects!

‘It’s Friday So It Must Be Fish’
Fish, chips, mushy peas – childhood revisited in an instant.
Standing in that tiled shrine where the chrome gleams
and there is steam on the windows,
Friday fish, part of my childhood, even after the Pope let it slide
Patiently queuing with anxious eyes watching the mountain of fat, brown chips get smaller.

Will I get the new ones, hot from the fat?
Burning my tongue and making goldfish noises as they bounce round my mouth, gasping for cooling air.
Me, on tiptoe, rising in prayer, ready for my tea
Chips and scraps please, oh yes, lots for me.

Clusters of discarded batter like giant, knobbly sweets,
The bits that have dropped away and are carelessly scooped up for kids like me, scattered generously over the bag of chips, oozing fat and savoury crunchiness.

If you are really lucky, a tiny scrap of fish
left from when it was too vigorously hauled from the batter and
slung into the warming shelf.

Breathe in the warm, lardy, smell, the giant salt shakers
made for pre-cholesterol largesse,
pickled onions, huge and wrinkly in the jar – a special treat, but not today.

Salt and vinegar? Lots and lots, but onion vinegar please
already a gourmet at nine years old,
or even then asserting the right to be different.

Clutching the greasy parcel carefully to my chest,
I head home to where plates are warming in the oven
and a giant plate of mother’s pride and margarine
stands dead centre on the new blue formica kitchen table.

Two red chairs for my parents, but mine is the yellow stool,
tucked underneath and out of the way –
an excellent metaphor for my childhood.

I carefully pull it out, and sit quietly,
waiting patiently until the tea is made,
the fish and chips portioned out,
and I can happily and greedily tuck in.

I can’t begin to imagine the kind of teasing those boys must endure, and of course part of the problem is that they certainly were substantially overweight.  However, the fatty tissue growth around the breasts is usually due to oestrogen so one would have to conclude that it is not just women who suffer from oestrogen dominance.

 The environment is further polluted by the passing of oestrogens into the water supply.  In recent years there has been much concern about the rising oestrogen levels in men as well, which has resulted in sperm counts dropping alarmingly.  A study by the Medical Research Council found that Scottish men born since 1970 are 25 per cent less fertile than those born 20 years earlier – and that fertility is continuing to drop by two per cent a year.  And it’s not just affecting men as the paper also reported research showed that ethanol oestradiol, a powerful form of oestrogen, is causing up to half the male fish in our low land rivers to change sex and a study published by the Environment Agency at the same time said that entire fish stocks in some stretches of water are irreversibly affected. Scientists believe the synthetic oestrogen can feminize fish at levels as low as one part per billion.

For  boys, the main sources are going to come through the food chain usually in meat that has been treated with growth hormones and given the popularity of fast food with teenagers this adds to the concern.  The other source is in the water supply and there has been much documented research about the increased levels of oestrogen in the water supply due at the most basic level to the number of women on synthetic hormones via the pill and HRT.  Oestrogen is being passed through their urine and so into the water supply where, despite costly and endless filtration, traces of it are found. 

So how can you  protect your sons from at best being the butt of jokes from their peers and at worst compromising their future fertility?  Go back to basics with a wholefood, organic, diet with good supplies of zinc to improve sperm count and wherever possible use bottled water not that straight from the tap.  Maintaining a healthy weight through exercise will also help not just with the estrogen issue but in terms of building a healthier future all round.

For a New Beginning —
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

~ John O’Donohue ~from (To Bless the Space Between Us)

It has long been an assumption that there is a link between physical expression of emotions and the intensity of those emotions, otherwise known as the “facial feedback theory.” A intriguing pilot study conducted in 2006 by Dermatologist Eric Finzi, M.D., Ph.D. evaluated the effectiveness of Botox in treating depression and found (in a very small study of only 10 women) that after two months, all were diagnosed as no longer showing signs of depression.

Ho hum, I hear you say – or is that me muttering about why they can always find another use for a procedure that has received bad press? But how does it work? For years, doctors who administer Botox have reported that many women who receive the injections talk about how much better they feel in general but is that merely psychological because fewer lines means they look younger and therefore feel better about themselves?

Well apparently it relates to the fact that there is a long-standing psychological theory called the facial feedback hypothesis which states that when you smile you encourage other people to smile with you, and you increase your own sense of well-being. Botox, because it prevents you from frowning, gives the impression to others — and to you — that the world seems less angry or sad because our faces can’t provide negative feedback such as frowning, scowling and crying? Another aspect is that we are more appealing to others when we look happy and this triggers more positive events in our lives as we respond to that.

A researcher at the University of Wisconsin Madison called David Havas has investigated this and his results I think reinforces the belief that positivity — and happiness is certainly a component of that for me — will make your passage through life smoother and easier, and therefore less stressful. A Stanford psychologist, Robert Zajonc suggests the effect may be due to the relaxed facial muscles cooling the blood flowing to the brain in a manner similar to relaxation disciplines like yoga and tai chi – and both those options are certainly healthier, and cheaper than Botox.

Could I make an even more radical suggestion which will provide you with a no-cost alternative to Botox? I can assure you that this definitely works, and it only involves you smiling at least 10 times a day which will certainly improve not only your mood, but everyone you come in contact with. As a ‘treatment’ for depression or to lift your mood and increase your happiness it has got to be worth a try hasn’t it?

Now this is not a large number but it definitely needs to be paid attention. Evamist is recommended to be sprayed onto the inside of the forearm so that transfer can occur if the child or pet is picked up and held against the area and they are suggesting that users of the product should wear long sleeves to cover the application site/

The symptoms that were seen of premature puberty in girls, including development of breast buds and breast mass, and enlarged mammary glands in boys, appeared several weeks to months after the adult patient began using Evamist and some were resolved after the woman stopped using the product or took steps to prevent children’s exposure.

The concern about house pets was based on two reports that involved spayed female dogs that developed signs of mammary or nipple enlargement, vulvar swelling, and liver failure in one case and vaginal prolapse and elevated estrogen levels in the other. The exposure occurred through licking of the owner’s arms or by the dog being held by the owner.

The FDA indicated that at present it is unknown whether unintended exposure can occur with other topical estrogen products and are working with Evamist’s manufacturer to identify factors that may heighten risks of accidental exposure, as well as ways to reduce or prevent such exposures.

If you are concerned, and are using a topical estrogen product, then please consult your doctor.

And on some levels of course it is, but this blood test can tell a woman as young as 20 how long she has left to start a family and would predict when a woman will go through menopause to within four months. The kit, which could be on sale in three years, is in my view the traditional two edged sword. For one thing, it is never wise to rely onehundred percent on any test to tell you something as critical and important as whether or not you still have time to start your family.

(If you would like to read the rest of this article for more information on the blood test, and why having a baby while drawing your pension is not such a great idea then please click, or cut and paste this link, to visit

http://www.bio-hormone-health.com/2010/07/01/why-it-doesnt-pay-to-second-guess-nature-part-1

He said “When I was younger I was more concerned with hope. Now I think it’s a waste of time and energy. You have to do what you can do. Hope is not something you can aspire to. It’s something you have to create.”

At the age of 67, Barenboim has a different view on hope from when he was younger. I absolutely believe in hope; it’s the light at the end of the tunnel that draws us forward, but he’s right about creating it. If you sit in the dark and despair you will not see the light. If you look forward in hope your intention will create a beacon to light the way, but what ignites it is you stepping forward and taking action.

At the risk of sounding like my old English teacher, discuss – and let me know what you think!